Staring Down the Barrel of Forty
First appeared in the Norwell (MA) Mariner, July 2, 1997
Contact: Judy Enright, Editor,
165 Enterprise Drive, Marshfield MA 02050
Tel: 781-837-4500 Fax: 781-837-4540
What finally did it was the prostate exam-and the admonition that began "you're at that age when..." That's when it hit me-I'm staring down the barrel of Forty!
To make things worse, a sympathetic ear is nowhere to be found. Generation Xers tell me I'm out of touch, while the guys at the Knights of Columbus Hall tell me to stop whining as long as everything works. Are YOU somewhere in your thirties, too obsessed with your career path and investments to notice the passage of time? If any of the following sound like you, the signpost for no man's land is up ahead. (and if you understand the music references, it's time to start drinking Ensure...) Any any rate, I know I'm forty because:
- I no longer understand the slang kids used
- When I tell jokes, half the room laughs hysterically (because they get the reference) and half look at me like I'm from Mars (who the hell is the Jefferson Airplane? Do they have lower fares than Valujet?)
- I hear a Hendrix tune and say "they don't write them like they used to." (I remember my relatives saying that about Sinatra, Como, Davis, etc.)
- I watch the Wonder Years, and sympathize more with the father than the kids.
- I hear some idiotic child rearing advice, I angrily yell, "unless you have kids, you have nothing to say about child rearing!"
- I get misty eyed when I hear Bob Seeger's "Like a Rock"
- I wish I could be eighteen again-because it's the only time in life I had all the answers. If I could retrace my steps, maybe I'd find where I lost them...
- At last, but not least, I knew I was hitting forty when I watched some old Beatles footage with my seven year old. On seeing Ringo, he got very excited and exclaimed,"look Dad-it's the conductor on Thomas the Tank Engine!"
PS-My photo album is going to be hidden away until after my birthday. Don't try to come up with some excuse to ask for a baby picture. I'm not having anyone wishing me a happy birthday with a space ad in the Mariner. I still can throw one good right hook-and I've certainly got plenty of weight to put behind it.